hen there’s hurt, anger, betrayal – how do we find forgiveness? How do we let go and find peace? It can be a hard thing to do. ‘Forgive & forget’ is what we hear, and when someone is having a tough day, that may be easy. But what about situations where one has caused deep pain to another? Whether it is a personal or professional relationship – a friend or co-worker, family or supervisor – where do we start to heal? Here are some thoughts:

Take time to heal.
Forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight. Feelings and issues need to be dealt with, so give yourself some time. When one feels hurt, this commonly produces an angry reaction. This can help us to feel we have more power while in a vulnerable position. Yet, it can be hard to fully resolve the hurt until the anger is worked on. It’s rather like trying to do your best in a situation while experiencing a headache. It’s just hard to focus. Find ways to get that anger out, without emotionally injuring others. Find a neutral party to express these feelings with or write or paint to explore them. Some people tend to swallow their anger and then project it out to others that are not even attached to the original hurt. So, it is important deal with the emotions and not let them fester.


A Publication of Lighthouse Consulting Services
hen there’s hurt, anger, betrayal – how do we find forgiveness? How do we let go and find peace? It can be a hard thing to do. ‘Forgive & forget’ is what we hear, and when someone is having a tough day, that may be easy. But what about situations where one has caused deep pain to another? Whether it is a personal or professional relationship – a friend or co-worker, family or supervisor – where do we start to heal? Here are some thoughts: Take time to heal. Forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight. Feelings and issues need to be dealt with, so give yourself some time. When one feels hurt, this commonly produces an angry reaction. This can help us to feel we have more power while in a vulnerable position. Yet, it can be hard to fully resolve the hurt until the anger is worked on. It’s rather like trying to do your best in a situation while experiencing a headache. It’s just hard to focus. Find ways to get that anger out, without emotionally injuring others. Find a neutral party to express these feelings with or write or paint to explore them. Some people tend to swallow their anger and then project it out to others that are not even attached to the original hurt. So, it is important deal with the emotions and not let them fester.		2. Grieve the loss. Another part may be to mourn a loss. The situation may symbolize a change in the relationship, loss of something hoped for in the relationship, loss of respect, trust or understanding, etc. In some ways, that is a loss, a change with the other person. It helps to get at the undercurrent – what this really means to you. The end goal of this is to let go – to let go of the desire to punish or to hurt the other person. To let go of the belief that this person owes anything to you. Otherwise, it will be so hard to disconnect from the hurt and anger to find healing. 3.Be honest with yourself. What part did you play in the situation? Try to understand it more so you can avoid similar situations. Your part may have been more passive, where you just stepped into the situation and didn’t know how to get out. In this case, you may need to learn how to be more aware of the signals that others give out. To be more aware of the issues that others may have and how those might interplay with your own. Also, there may be the need to learn how to put down more boundaries, and to not allow yourself

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