A Publication of Lighthouse Consulting Services
’m
sure you’ve had times in your life when making a change becomes a big challenge.
Perhaps you want to change how you deal with certain situations or a part
of your lifestyle like your diet or exercise. Change is very difficult no
matter what we want to change. We start out with good intentions then for
one reason or another; we go back to the way we’ve always done something.
So, how do we make changes that stick?What is blocking change?
Well, the first piece of the puzzle is looking at what is blocking the change. Sometimes, we just want a problem to disappear, so we make changes as a
“fix-it” solution. Fix-its are rarely good changes as they are usually based
on unrealistic or unreasonable expectations of a situation or ourselves.
Like those times, when we may have stopped eating altogether to lose some
weight or took a vacation to fix a troubled relationship. First, it helps
to take a realistic view of the situation to be changed and have an understanding
of the limitations and strengths involved.Understanding our limitations
For example, if you want to change a troubled relationship, whether family or work, one should have realistic expectations of both one’s self and those involved. It would be frustrating and unhealthy to expect to be able to change another person or control the relationship to make everyone happy. We can only change our own behavior and ourselves. It’s important to have a balanced perspective of the situation. We can’t expect to make magical changes or to ‘save’ those around us. At the same time, we should not try to underestimate our strengths and abilities. If you have trouble evaluating the situation, then be sure to get feedback from unbiased and supportive friends, counselors or clergy.
Finding our focus
Sometimes, we want to change something that is so big that we feel overwhelmed.
So, we end up either trying to put band-aids on this big problem or give
up altogether. It’s helpful to focus only on parts of the problem and
take one piece at a time. For example, let’s say an individual doesn’t
feel good about him or her self. If that person would try to change everything
at once, he or she would probably give up. An alternative would be to
pick one thing to change, like shyness, and focus on that first. However,
whenever making changes in one’s self, please get a realistic viewpoint
from others. We are often very demanding of ourselves and may try to change
what doesn’t need changing at all. This violates our true self - our style
and sense of being, because we deny who we are. Sometimes, the change
we have to make is appreciating who we are and that is a big change!
What are my motives for change?
Once you have focused on to a specific and manageable problem, ask yourself
some questions about it. Why do you want to change it?
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Lighthouse
Consulting Services
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CA 90403 (310) 453-6556