By Dana Borowka, MA
H ow many days go by where you
feel burden free? Any? Even for a moment?
Most of us tend to feel pretty loaded up with all sorts of stuff on a
regular basis. Most can’t even imagine what life
would be like if we didn’t have all that
“stuff” that literally creates a whirl wind of
activity. Imagine what it might be like to not feel burdened
with worry, anxiety or fear for even one moment. Some people
can’t imagine such a thing. While others seem to
find a space… for a moment of peace, calm or centeredness.
Some might ask, “Can anyone ever be at
peace?” The answer is found individually.
It depends on how closely we identify with who we truly are.
If we are constantly reminding ourselves of all the things that we need
to do, then we are just running from one thing to the next without some
level of fulfillment or an inner purpose. The odds are that
we will continue to move from one crisis to the next… if we
do not try to be aware of our actions. Remember, it is not
the activity that is causing the disturbance – it’s
the fact that we are identifying with the worry, the fear, the
‘whatevers’ that are causing the suffering. And you
might be passing this energy onto others in your life whether they are
work colleagues, family members or those we stand in line with in the
market.
So what can we do when we are feeling anxious or burdened? Is
it possible to change deeply ingrained thought patterns and how long
could that take? It doesn’t necessarily take a
great amount of time. Yet, you do need to become aware of
what you are identifying with when you are get worried, anxious,
fearful, etc. Once this takes place you have begun the
change. Then you have a choice. Whether you want to
continue with that false identity or re-identify yourself in other
ways. This awareness can help to prevent past emotional
issues from controlling your thinking and taking hold of your life and
actions with others. The old identity may continue to arise
and show itself. It may even cause you to identify with it at
times and blur your self vision.
Facing our
self identity can be a direct confrontation with what you believe is
“you”. It is not easy to look into the
mirror of our own being nor is it necessarily an enjoyable thing to
do. Yet when the pain or discomfort becomes overwhelming then
that tends to shed some light on the underlying causes. Your
core being is very capable of dealing with what may seem to be very
difficult issues within us. Some people may feel that they
are “defective” or unworthy and may justify staying
in the pit of despair. That is nothing more than a
culmination of our old identity holding on for dear life. The
more you hold onto the old, the greater the volume can become to avoid
change.
A
friend once gave me a cotton seed that had blossomed. It
caused me to think of an analogy which I call the “seed and
the pod” of our identity. The pod is a protective
shell for the seed that will protect it until the soil condition, the
temperature and such is just right. The pod may have many
things take place that might seem to impact it – gravel may
rub against it, it may get washed to a different location, the wind
might carry it else where. Yet the seed is not touched by
these difficulties for it is
always protected by the pod. When the time is right then the
seed will begin to do its thing. The roots start to come out
and the amazing sprouting process takes place. The seed
begins to expand beyond the pod. The same is true for each of
us. Our seed – our core being is always protected
and cared for. When the time is appropriate we will begin to
awaken, to test the soil, to question. At the right moment,
we will begin to expand beyond our original identity (our own pod) and
we will realize that we have always been ok… never damaged,
never unworthy. We will see that we have always been safe
(protected in our pod) and we will prepare ourselves to do what we need
to do. Upon taking action, the burden that seemed so natural
and normal takes on a different meaning and a whole new world will open
up. A world of calm, peace and tranquility that we thought
was only a distant possibility will now be within our grasp.
So when the time is right to take action, how do we begin to work
through an issue? Well, I find it helpful to ask some
questions to break down the problem:
- What bothers me so much about
this situation? Try to dig beneath the various emotions to
get at what the true focus is.
- When have I seen this come up
before in my life? Look at specific events in your life.
- What am I doing that is not
working and what am I doing that is working? Explore what
your part is in the issue.
- What would my ideal outcome look
like? What results are you looking for and are those
expectations reasonable and attainable?
Now,
we get to the action part of the process. It can be very easy
to ruminate about a problem without taking any steps to heal
it. Goal setting can be very helpful in making progress with
issues. When you make goals, it is more effective to make
them specific and measurable. Goals are easier to achieve
when you break down the process into small steps that are detailed with
time lines.
So, are you feeling burdened? Just the fact that you are
asking the question is the beginning of a whole new journey of
unfoldment and discovery of the seed that is within. A seed
that is filled with many facets and a vastness that one can’t
even imagine. With or without the burdens of today, you are
unique to yourself and others. Embrace your uniqueness,
question the burdens and value the protective pod as well as the seed
within.
If
you would like additional information on this topic or others,
please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting
Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica,
CA
90403, (310) 453-6556,
dana@lighthouseconsulting.com
& our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.
Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services,
including in-depth personality assessments for new hires &
staff
development, team building, interpersonal & communication
training,
conflict management, workshops, and executive & employee
coaching.
Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to
reproduce any portion provided in this article. ©
2006.
The information contained in this article is not meant to be a
substitute for professional counseling.
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