By Laurence M. Cassidiy
I recently
attended a Bat Mitzvah for Monica, the 13-year-old daughter of a
business associate and friend. I’m more than five times
Monica’s age, 
and I shop only out of desperation, so I took
the easy way out. I simply wrote Monica a check to go with her card.
Which didn’t feel complete. So I looked into the meaning of
the
Bat Mitzvah. I thought more on both Monica’s big day, and on
my
grandson Brandon, who has just entered high school. Finally I decided
to share with Monica, then with Brandon, a far more important
“gift,” refined from my own long years and testing
experiences…
Dear
Monica:
You
may not remember me. I’m one of those “old
guys” your
dad hangs with. Your parents were kind enough to include me in your
special day. Which is, for me, a privilege!
I have included a small gift for your Bat Mitzvah. That’s not
really so important, unless it goes into your college
fund…..then your dad won’t have to work quite so
hard… :o). But you will learn that anyone can give material
things.
The more important “gift” I want to share with you
is what,
at almost-70, I wish for you as you put away your childhood, and cross
the uncertain threshold to becoming a young woman. Not that
you’ve been waiting anxiously to hear this. Nor may it be of
great interest to you today. If it is not, just tuck this away for
another time, when “old guy” ideas will make more
sense.
Monica, I also have daughters, both in their 40’s, and a son
in
his 20’s. If I could talk with them again, back when they
were
each age 13, there are three big things [other than matters of faith]
that I would share with them:
1. Don’t
waste your time “wanting” things:
Nicer
clothes. A cuter boyfriend. A cooler car. Even more money.
“Wanting” takes your eyes off of now. And
“now” is the only moment you have for
sure. Yesterday
is long gone, and tomorrow will 
not
get here until tomorrow. The game you play right now is called
“today!” Learning and getting better are both worth
your
best effort, especially about matters that have genuine meaning for
you, and certainly about life itself. But don’t
“want.” Figure out what is truly important, then
“do.” Now! If you master that, you can start again
tomorrow, from an even better place. Every tomorrow!
2. Honor
the core values that build trust:
First, do what is right. Don’t waste anyone’s time
claiming
you didn’t know what was right. We know what is right. In our
heart, in our gut, in our soul, we know right from wrong. So keep it
simple. Just do what is right.
Second, do your best. Your very best. If it is worth doing, it is worth
doing well. If you aren’t willing to do it well,
don’t take
it on. That may upset some folks, but not as much as doing less than
you promised.
Third, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Some people
call this the “Golden Rule.” I also call it being
smart. We
depend on others our entire life, so having them “on our
side” matters. A lot! It is also one of those choices we
make,
solely because it is right.
3. Be
everything you can be.
Have
you heard of Rabbia Zusya? In his new book, Rabbi Kushner tells us
about Rabbi Zusya’s great fear, as he faces death:
In
the Hassidic world of Eastern Europe, in the latter eighteenth century,
there lived a sage by the name of Rabbi Zusya of Anipol. He was loved
by all who knew him for his piety and his humility. As he grew old and
feeble, and realized that his death was near, he became agitated. His
disciples said to him, “Master, you have lived such an
exemplary
life. Surely God will reward you for it. Why then do you tremble at the
prospect of death?”
He
answered them: “When I stand before God, He may say to me,
‘Zusya, why were you not another Moses?’ I will
have an
answer for Him. I will say to Him, ‘Master of the Universe,
You
did not grant me the greatness of soul that You granted to
Moses.’”
“Should God ask me, ‘Zusya, why were you not
another King
Solomon?’ I will say to Him, ‘Because You did not
bless me
with the great wisdom required to be another King
Solomon.’”
Zusya hesitated, then whispered, “But alas, what do I say to
Him
if He asks me, Zusya, why were you not Zusya? Why were you not the
person I gave you the ability to be?'"
So, Monica…..seize each today and make each today
count…..do what is right, do it well, and do well by
others…..and, set your dreams upon being all of the Monica
that
God gave you the ability to be. Doing these things will help Monica
craft a very fine woman, indeed!
God bless you,
The “Old Guy”
Larry
Cassidy has been a Chair with Vistage International (formerly TEC
International) for the past 20 years and he currently works with some
80 executives every month, in three chief executive and two key
executive groups. Larry has facilitated over 900 executive group
meetings, and participated in 7500 face-to-face discussions with chief
executives about all aspects of their businesses. In preparation for
this journey, Larry attended Miami University (Ohio) and Northwestern
(MBA); was a Marine Corps officer; worked with public companies
(General Mills, Quaker Oats and PepsiCo), private, family and
foreign-owned firms; and, in the 1980s as General Manager and CEO of
local companies. He does executive coaching and also serves on advisory
boards. Larry can be reached at 714-424-9443 or LMCassidy@comcast.net.
If
you would like additional information on this topic or others,
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2006.
The information contained in this article is not meant to be a
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