By Robert Maurer. Ph.D
The year-end holidays of
Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah and New Year’s Eve evoke
powerful emotions in many of us. The holidays can be a time of great
joy and celebration or a reminder of the losses we have experienced. We
expect a great deal of ourselves: happiness, material abundance,
family, friends, health – the list is endless – and
the holidays and the ending of the year invite us to take stock of our
success and where we are lacking.
This can be a positive and healthy experience if we approach
the task with four guidelines:
First, remember that the holidays were designed
to respect and acknowledge the pain and sadness of life. We are often
very hard on ourselves, because we are not happy as we feel we should
be and may be angry with ourselves for our sad state of mind. A study
of the origins of the year-end holidays suggests they were designed not
only as religious events, but also to lift our spirits and give us
respite and comfort from the winters of our lives.
Many cultures as diverse as the Romans and Aztecs had rituals at the
end of December, honoring not only their religion, but also to honor
the sadness and losses of the year. Whether we light up the branches of
the Christmas tree or the candles of the Menorah, the efforts to lift
our spirits and enlighten our journey are now built into the rituals.
The holidays were based on the premise that we had our grief and then
the New Year could bring new hope.
The second guideline is that the holidays
were designed to be communal, to be shared. At times in our lives, this
is easy, but at other times, the loss of a loved one can make holidays
much harder. It is recommended that we seek out our friends or explore
new paths to others through volunteer work, religious activities, the
many self-help groups that are available in our community or
professional counseling. If we are to embrace our sorrow and find new
meaning and hope, we will need help.
The
third guideline is to view the holidays as a time of giving or service
to others. By this, I do not mean buying expensive gifts for people,
but rather small acts of kindness. Some examples might be sending
people thank you notes; expressing your gratitude for their friendship
and detailing some of the qualities about them you love; smiling at
strangers; being courteous and helpful as a driver; or doing volunteer
work with those less fortunate.
And fourth, be good to yourself and your body, whether it is grieving
or celebrating. As someone once said, “the Christmas spirit
is not what you drink.” Our efforts to brighten our mood with
alcohol, sugar or excess of any kind make it harder to embrace the true
spirit of the holidays. We have much to be grateful for at this time of
the year, not only whatever abundance we may have, but for our courage
to love and to feel the joy and the sorrow of the holiday season.
Tips to Handling the Holidays
By
Ellen and Dana Borowka, MA
- Make sure your expectations are
realistic for yourself and others. Ask yourself, “Am I
expecting too much of myself and those around me?”
- Get back to the true meaning of
the holidays. Don’t let the rush and glitter overshadow the
holiday spirit.
- Before rushing around for the
holidays, check your motivation and make sure it is in alignment with
the spirit of the holidays.
- Make yourself a priority during
the holiday season by eating well and balanced, exercising or walking,
and giving yourself enough private time.
- Set a realistic budget for gift
spending and find creative and inspiring ways to give. Some find giving
to charities or planting a tree in someone’s name to be very
fulfilling.
- Say no when you need to.
Don’t allow yourself to become overwhelmed. Minimize holiday
decorations. Choose what is really important to you, and you will save
time on decorating and cleaning up.
- May your holidays be filled with
much happiness and beauty!
If
you would like additional information on this topic or others,
please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting
Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica,
CA
90403, (310) 453-6556,
dana@lighthouseconsulting.com
& our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.
Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services,
including in-depth personality assessments for new hires &
staff
development, team building, interpersonal & communication
training,
conflict management, workshops, and executive & employee
coaching.
Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to
reproduce any portion provided in this article. ©
2006.
The information contained in this article is not meant to be a
substitute for professional counseling.
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