A client made an interesting
comment once about interpersonal communication:
“It’s not what you say – it’s
what they heard.” In the world of safety, how you
communicate and how it is heard can make 
a huge impact on every
individual you work with, plus a few you don’t even
know. After all, safety affects many individuals not only in
your organization, but also family members and friends of staff members.
To raise the safety bar through better interpersonal communications,
there are three key steps for dealing with others:
- Know your participants
–
Know who you are dealing with. The key to effective management is know
thy staff.
- Show empathy – Strive
to
understand different view points to see where people are coming
from. As an example, sometimes an employee needs a
step-by-step process for doing a task and a manager gets frustrated
because they just want them to jump and do it. Of course, this can be
frustrating for both parties. The step-by-step person needs the process
and probably won’t move forward because they are concerned
about doing it wrong, getting yelled at or costing the company
money.
- Work from a vision –
Know
where you want to go with an individual. If you don’t know,
how will they know?
If
your organization does any kind of in-depth personality or work
style assessments, it is always helpful to review the data to
understand or empathize with how someone is thinking or approaching
things. If your company does not do in-depth personality or work style
assessments, talk with your management team about incorporating some
type of assessment during the hiring process so the information can be
used in managing individuals. That translates into understanding how to
best communicate once they come aboard. You can also use the
information for your current team which can truly affect the bottom
line (think of what miscommunication costs in lives and to the bottom
line).
An in-depth personality and work style assessment will help in
understanding how someone problem solves, how they deal with stress,
and their thought flow. You can literally see how someone will process
information and share ideas, plus many other facets of how someone
communicates.
There are typically four styles of miscommunication (think of which
category your forproblem players fall into):
- Do they avoid or run away from
the
issue?
- Do they pretend conflict
doesn’t exist?
- Do they give in or go along with
the
other person?
- Do they attack or try to win
through
force or overpower with criticism, insults, manipulation or name
calling?
Now
that you have a good idea of who you are dealing with, here are
some do’s and don’ts for effective one-on-one
communication, especially when dealing with a heated or recurring issue:
- Do have respect for the other
person
(even though you don’t agree)
- Don’t take the
conflict
personally
- Do be a good listener. This can
be
tough. You may want to just be directive since you know what needs to
get done. This won’t help in the long run. You need to really
listen to understand where they are coming from. Avoid interrupting and
ask questions only when they are finished speaking. Interrupting can be
interpreted as being disrespectful. You also want to watch body
language. Sometimes the most important thing in communication is to
hear what isn’t being said.
- Don’t assume they
understood. In order to assure you truly understand what someone is
attempting to communicate, use active listening. Paraphrase what you
think the other person is stating and ask them if that’s
correct. If not, have them restate it and then paraphrase again to make
sure you’ve got it right.
Use
“I” statements
when you are discussing the topic, such as “I feel it is not
constructive when you speak to me in that manner, because it feels like
you are being disrespectful to me.” Try this formula for
success:
- State
your feelings clearly without
attacking the other person.
- Focus
on the problem not the person
- Look
for common ground – a
shared need you both want or can agree upon
- Uncover
any hidden agendas –
is something bothering the person that might be feeding into the
problem?
- Take
time outs to keep a conflict from
escalating - not a 10-minute time out but several hours or
the next day (unless it is life threatening)
Once
you’ve talked it through and truly listened to the
person, then you can move into problem solving. Warning: if you jump to
problem solving and haven’t really heard the person, the
issue will keep coming up over and over and over again. Problem solving
should be fairly simple if you’ve listened well and if the
other person feels heard. Here are four steps to help you.
- Set an agenda
– Define the
top 3-5 items you want to focus on. Don’t try to solve the
world’s problems all at one time. Typically if you do a
couple of them the other items will take care of themselves
- Brainstorm
– Write the ideas
down and don’t say “but” or shoot down
ideas when they are suggested.
- Sort through the ideas –
Pick several or rank them as to which one’s look most
promising at this time
- Evaluate your options
– Once
you select a couple of ideas then ask the following questions:
- What will happen if we do this?
- How will it impact others?
-
Will
everyone get what they want?
Come
to a conclusion to try them out and then set a follow up date. It
is vital to set a date and to check in to see how things are
going. If this step isn’t taken, either the task
will not be done or if it doesn’t work, you and others will
be upset that the situation had dragged on.
In closing, consider this quote from John Marshall of Dofasco Steel:
“So many people spend so much energy on things that are
beyond their control! It’s human nature, but I
constantly ask people anytime something comes up, ‘what do
you have control over, what don’t you have control over? What
can you influence, or who can you go to that has some
influence?’”
You now have the tools to raise the
safety bar for better interpersonal
communications. Remember what is most important is that you are
teaching someone else how to constructively deal with a situation and
come up with a solution. The goal is to allow for ideas to be shared
and to mentor others in how to communicate and to create a safe work
environment.
To
find out more, listen to our teleconference
audio 
If
you would like additional information on this topic or others,
please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting
Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica,
CA
90403, (310) 453-6556, dana@lighthouseconsulting.com
& our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.
Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services,
including in-depth personality assessments for new hires &
staff
development, team building, interpersonal & communication
training,
conflict management, workshops, and executive & employee
coaching.
Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to
reproduce any portion provided in this article. ©
2008.
The information contained in this article is not meant to be a
substitute for professional counseling.
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