By Ellen Borowka, MA
E ver feel like you’ve
got a zillion things to do, and not enough time to do them in? Life
always seems to be filled with hectic schedules and looming deadlines.
So, how do we deal with the daily pressures and stresses at work and
home, while still taking the time to care for ourselves? Well,
let’s first take a look at what stress is and what causes it.
STRESS
MANAGEMENT
Definition and Causes
The dictionary has a few definitions that we found to be helpful in
exploring what stress is all about. One definition is a force that
tends to distort a body. We like to think of stress like hands pressing
against a blown-up balloon, causing the balloon to have a distorted
shape. Sometimes we may feel like there are invisible
“hands” or forces that push and pressure us, so
that we feel twisted out of our normal condition. What are those
forces? What makes up the forces that tend to control our lives? Other
definitions of stress are: A factor that induces bodily and/or mental
tension; and an automatic physical reaction to a danger or demand in
the environment. What kind of dangers or demands is there in your daily
routine? Perhaps it is when the bills come in the mail or when someone
puts another project in your in-box.
There are many different causes of stress, but we’ll just
cover a few here. The first is the fear of failure and making mistakes,
like when we take on an important project or job that we want to do
well on or when we have to take a test that has an impact on our lives.
Failure and mistakes can be very hard on one’s self-esteem.
Another stressor that impacts our self-worth is fear of rejection, like
when a friend doesn’t return a phone call or when we are not
included in a social event. This kind of stressor encourages some to
not reach out to others and remain distant and isolated.
Another stressor is changes. Changes, even positive ones like getting a
promotion, are difficult, because suddenly we are in unfamiliar,
unknown territory. Other difficult changes are when we experience loss
of a friend or relative, money problems, illness or injury, and career
transitions. Unrealistic expectations from one’s self and
others also causes stress, like when we expect ourselves to do more
than we can or when a supervisor expects a project to be completed in a
different, yet unstated, manner. Finally, life pressures cause much
tension for us, like deadlines at work or taking care of
one’s children or relatives.
The
Effect of Stress
Stress can have a snowball effect, passing from one person to another
until there is an environment full of fear. Stress can become like a
spiraling blizzard, and if not taken care of then it can impact all
aspects of our lives. An example of this could be when a family is
having money problems. The parents might be fighting, there’s
tension in the household, and the children become upset and might
express problems like acting out or bedwetting.
While we don’t hear this often, there is a positive side to
stress too. Stress gets one to make movement to face difficult
challenges, to find solutions to problems, and push ourselves to
achieve our goals. So, we need stress to do the things that we need to
do in life. What is important is to find a balance with stress - to use
it as a tool to manage life, yet to not let it take over our lives.
An example of someone, who was not managing stress well in his life,
was a furniture manufacturer who participated in a major university
study on the physical impact of stress and fear. This businessman had a
full physical one day, then had a heart attack the next. He agreed to
let the university medical staff run some
tests to see if they could figure
out how someone could seem to be so healthy one day and suffer a heart
attack the next day. In the video we saw of this study, they filmed a
psychiatric nurse asking this man a series of questions while being
hooked up to a machine that also allowed the researchers to see a
picture of what his heart was doing at the same time. The nurse began
by asking him what he does and how were things going for him, his heart
showed little change. When she asked questions that were more specific
about his company, like how many people work for him and when payroll
was due, his heart began to beat faster. Then she asked him even more
detailed questions like if there was enough money available to meet
payroll and how was he going to handle that, his heart muscle actually
shifted and they had to stop the interview as the man came close to
having another heart attack.
The Physical and Psychological
Impact
What is
the physical impact of stress? First, since stress is a similar
emotional response to fear, it helps to look at how animals respond
when dealing with a fearful situation. For example, a zebra meeting up
with a lion on the Serengeti Plain would exhibit what would be termed,
the “Fight or Flight” survival response. The zebra
would experience certain bodily changes. Hormones would rush through
his body to speed up the heart rate, he would eliminate waste to be
lighter when running, muscles would tense up for running, pupils would
dilate and eyes would tear to see clearly, and the mouth would get dry
to prevent gagging. Does any of this sound familiar? We experience
similar changes when stressed and anxious. The physical impact on
humans is increased heartrate, surge of adrenaline, diarrhea, neck and
stomach tension, lack of energy, headaches, rashes, back pain, and cold
hands and feet. Long-term stress can create ulcers, allergies, high
blood pressure, heart attacks, and stroke.
Stress impacts us at a psychological level too. Stress colors how we
think and feel about others the world and ourselves. Stress attacks our
self-esteem and positive feelings of self-worth. It makes it harder for
us to relate to others in the way we would like. It influences how we
view and interact with the world. It becomes a filter that can distort
how we see the world and the messages we send to and receive from
others. For example, someone who is under a great deal of stress, may
tell their spouse that they love them, but all their spouse hears is
the irritation or frustration in their voice. Plus, stress depletes our
energy we need to participate in activities and events around us. Some
psychological signs of stress are confusion, depression, crying, mood
changes, changes in sleeping, eating and sexual habits, and increased
use of alcohol & drugs.
In fact, many people facing chronic stress or anxiety have trouble
finding a way to deal with it. Some, when faced
with such a stalemate, will search out
ways to numb out the fear and turn to various substances. Man is the
only creature on earth that makes an effort to shut off fear - through
drinking, drugs, or other forms of addiction. It’s ok to be
scared, but it’s vital to find a better, as well as
healthier, way. If you are struggling with an addiction - first,
don’t deny it and next, seek out help immediately. Addictions
only get worse as time goes on.
How stress is handled determines how much one is impacted by stress,
and if long-term problems will result from the stress. Successful
people handle fear and stress much like chimps and many other animals.
They run to each other for support. Perhaps we should learn from the
other creatures how to support each other. Reaching out for support is
one of the best ways to deal with anxiety. So, what are some other ways
to manage stress?
Three
Steps in Managing Stress
1. Acknowledge & accept it. Be aware of when you are stressed
and take the responsibility to make a change. Some people ignore,
minimize or don’t realize that they are stressed, until they
get sick or overwhelmed. Don’t try to deny or suppress your
stress. It’s important to deal with the situation. How do you
suppress it? By eating, drinking, smoking, shopping, fighting...? The
first thing to do is to become more aware of stress by monitoring
yourself and short circuiting your personal stress cycle. A good way to
do this is to ask yourself, “How do I express my
stress?” Become familiar with how you react to stress and
find ways to interrupt your cycle.
For example, someone might first feel worried and confused over an
upcoming project.
That
person might have some queasiness in the stomach, begin to bite their
nails, then get some tension in the neck and shoulder muscles that may
turn into a painful headache. This person might try going for a walk or
meditate as soon as he or she recognizes the stress symptoms.
2. Pinpoint the source of the stress. Look at what is going on
underneath the fear and tension - Ask yourself, “What am I
stressed about, and why am I so stressed?” Since stress is
basically a low grade anxiety, it might be helpful to consider if there
are any fears involved. Review what emotions you are having about the
stress. If you feel anger then you may have to search beneath the
anger, and usually there is some hurt or pain. Many people accuse
someone or something outside themselves when they get stressed. Who or
what do you accuse when you get stressed? Since we have much more
control over ourselves then others, it’s important to
consider what you can do to make changes to reduce the tension.
3. Make an action plan. Once you know the source then brainstorm to
manage the problem. How can you deal with the situation differently
than ever before? Most people are uncomfortable with making changes.
Changes are hard and unknown - even a difficult situation is at least
familiar.
An effective way to make
successful changes is to take small
steps of change. Think of some small steps that you can take to make
changes in your life. Start with one little change and once you become
comfortable with that change, then you can move to the next. An example
of small changes is someone who is shy and wants to become more
comfortable talking with others.
That
person may first say hi to neighbors, co-workers, etc., then begin to
have small light conversations with perhaps the cashier at the
supermarket, and ultimately, move on to participating in a club or
organization. The key is small, baby steps to making changes.
Helpful
Ideas for Dealing with Stress
- Set realistic goals and
expectations for yourself and your relationships at both home and work.
- Work as a team at home and work.
Reach out for support when dealing with difficult problems.
- Prioritize your work. Ask your
supervisor and co-workers to help you organize your work. Break large
projects down into smaller parts.
- Don’t try to do more
than you really can. Say no when you need to.
- Prepare as much as possible for
stressful events.
- Realize this is a difficult time
and you must take care of yourself: Eat healthy, drink enough water,
regularly exercise or take walks. Keep fruit bars, fruit, and crackers
in your work area. Take 5-10 minute breathers to the water cooler,
window or outside. Take time during the day to stretch and/or do some
deep breathing exercises or meditation.
- Find ways to relax, like taking
warm baths or listening to your favorite music or nature tapes. Get
away from stresses by participating in group and individual sports,
social events and hobbies.
- Work to resolve conflicts. Deal
with anger and conflict by taking 30-minute timeouts before responding,
and listen with empathy. Try to understand why others feel the way they
do.
- Say to yourself during the day,
“I don’t have to be perfect.”
- Seek help when stress gets out
of control.
Some
of this may sound like common sense. Yet, if common sense was so
common, then we wouldn’t find ourselves in the trouble we do.
Many times, we just want to get rid of stress, 
much like we try not to
feel sadness or anger. However, stress and fear are a natural and
necessary component of life. Stewart Emory once said, “The
absence of fear is not an option that is available to most people.
People are looking for that, but that is just not an option. The
difference between people who are really making it in the world and the
people who are not is simple: The people who are making it in the world
are making it and they have fear.” We can’t
eliminate stress, but we can find ways to balance and use stress to
achieve our goals and dreams in life.
If
you would like additional information on this topic or others,
please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting
Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica,
CA
90403, (310) 453-6556, dana@lighthouseconsulting.com
& our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com.
Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services,
including in-depth personality assessments for new hires &
staff
development, team building, interpersonal & communication
training,
conflict management, workshops, and executive & employee
coaching.
Permission is needed from Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC to
reproduce any portion provided in this article. ©
2006.
The information contained in this article is not meant to be a
substitute for professional counseling.
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