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3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica, CA 90403 (310) 453-6556
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nce you begin to take
action, you’ll start getting feedback about whether you’re doing the
right thing. You’ll get data, advice, help, suggestions, direction, and
even criticism that will help you constantly adjust and move forward
while continually enhancing your knowledge, abilities, attitudes, and
relationships. But asking for feedback is really only the first part of
the equation. Once you receive feedback, you have to be willing to
respond to it.
THERE ARE TWO KINDS OF FEEDBACK
There are two kinds of feedback you might encounter - negative and
positive. We tend to prefer the positive - that is, results, money,
praise, a raise, a promotion, satisfied customers, awards, happiness,
inner peace, intimacy, pleasure. It feels better. It tells us that we
are on course, that we are doing the right thing.
We tend not to like negative feedback - lack of results, little or no
money, criticism, poor evaluations, being passed over for a raise or a
promotion, complaints, unhappiness, inner conflict, loneliness, pain.
However, there is as much useful data in negative feedback as there is
in positive feedback. It tells us that we are off course, headed in the
wrong direction, doing the wrong thing. That is also valuable
information.
In fact, it’s so valuable that one of the most useful projects you could
undertake is to change how you feel about negative feedback. I like to
refer to negative feedback as information about “improvement
opportunities.” The world is telling me where and how I can improve what
I am doing. Here is a place I can get better. Here is where I can
correct my behavior to get even closer to what I say I want -- more
money, more sales, a promotion, a better relationship, better grades, or
more success on the athletic field.
To reach your goals more quickly, you need to welcome, receive, and
embrace all the feedback that comes your way.
ON COURSE, OFF COURSE
There are many ways to respond to feedback, some of which work (they
take you closer to your stated objectives), and some of which don’t
(they keep you stuck or take you even further from your goals).
When I conduct trainings on the success principles, I illustrate this
point by asking for a
Then I begin to walk very slowly toward the volunteer. Every time I take a step directly toward him, the volunteer says, “On course.” Every few steps, I purposely veer off course, and the volunteer says, “Off course.” I immediately correct my direction. Every few steps, I veer off course again and then correct again in response to his “Off course” feedback. After a lot of zigzagging, I eventually reach my goal ... and give the person a hug for volunteering.
I ask the audience to tell me which the volunteer had said more often – “On course” or “Off course.” The answer is always “Off course.” And here is the interesting part. I was off course more than I was on course, and I still got there ... just by continually taking action and constantly adjusting to the feedback. The same is true in life. All we have to do is to start to take action and then respond to the feedback. If we do that diligently enough and long enough, we will eventually get to our goals and achieve our dreams.
WAYS OF RESPONDING TO FEEDBACK THAT
DONT WORK
Though there are many ways you can respond to feedback, some responses
simply don’t work:
1.
Caving in and quitting: As part of the seminar exercise I described
above, I will repeat the process of walking toward my goal; however, in
this round I will purposely veer off course, and when my volunteer keeps
repeating “Off course” over and over, I break down and cry, “I can’t
take it anymore. Life is too hard. I can’t take all this negative
criticism. I quit!”
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Lighthouse Consulting Services
3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica, CA 90403 (310) 453-6556