Keeping on Track - My Words and My Time

By Lawrence M. Cassidy, Vistage International

A while ago, Dana and Ellen Borowka asked if I would write a piece for their Lighthouse newsletter. “Sure,” I said, forgetting that I would actually have to write something. Dana didn’t forget. He kept calling. Alas, what to write?

So I took stock. I’m almost 70. I have been working for over 50 years, the last 20 with TEC International (now Vistage International) and some 300 executives, on their businesses and, in many cases, their lives. Mix in a mind-clearing tussle with prostate cancer, and I have my own recipe for serious reflection. On what’s really important, and what’s not such a big deal.

Pondering all of that leads me to these comments on two things, one a crucial “tool,” the other an irreplaceable “asset,” both woven into every corner of my life. And to again consider how I use each, how each is make-or-break in my success, let alone my relationships and my happiness. I declare that when I pay attention to each of these, and get each right, I have a chance. And when I don’t, I don’t.

These two things are my WORDS, and my TIME.

MY WORDS

Trying to trump all the writings on the use and importance of words would be a fool’s mission. Since I know I make “deposits” with well-chosen, appropriate words, and “withdrawals” with words that bruise, I will simply share an old father-son story about words, “holes” and a lesson…..

There was a young lad, who as he grew up, was sent by his father to drive a nail into an old fencepost every time his father heard him use abusive language. As he grew, he drove home scores of nails. He also learned, discovering the impact of his words, and was allowed by his father, each time he chose quality language, to pull a nail out of the fencepost.

Eventually, the boy removed every nail he had driven into the post. On the day he was to leave for college, his father walked with him to the fencepost, carrying those same nails in an old leather bag. They stood together, both looking at the sack of nails and the fencepost. Finally the long-ago boy, now a young man, said, “Dad, I’m sorry for those hard things I said. I understand now. And I’m really happy you let me pull out all those nails!”

His father laid his hand softly upon his son’s cheek, looked him in the eyes, and said, “Son, you’ve done well. I’m proud of you. Now, before you go, look at the fencepost one more time. What do you see?” His son stared at the post for a moment, then said, “Nail holes.” Therein lies the father’s lesson --- we can remove the nails, but the nail holes remain.

Not driving nails, and not leaving holes, is part of my taking 100% responsibility for the impact of my own words. Ensuring that they are clear and understood, considering how they make others feel, and understanding what they do for and to people. If I wish to be effective, a leader, let alone create quality relationships, I must own every bit of what I say, how it is heard, and the “mark” it makes. These are my words --- how then can it be the fault of another that I am not understood, or am “miss-interpreted,” or wound people? That’s nonsense! If I say it, I own it! I must both think and care before I talk.

MY TIME

As with words, we have been taught the basics of time. Yet we all sense the clock seeming to spin ever faster, how much “less” time there seems to be, and the tyranny of it all. Interesting how time has become a “villain,” since we still get the same 1440 minutes every day --- and the choice as to how to use them. This is at the heart of yet another story about Jack, Mr. Belser, and the “gift” of time…..

Jack Bennett grew up next door to Harold Belser. Jack’s father was always busy, so Jack spent hours as a youngster with his older neighbor. They built things. Jack listened to Mr. Belser’s wonderful stories. And he helped Mr. Belser with his chores. Finally grown, Jack moved away, to gain a college degree and pursue his own dreams. In his mid-30s, now very successful, Jack received a call from his mother. “Jack,” she said, “Mr. Belser died. His funeral is Thursday.”

Jack sucked in his breath. He hadn’t seen Mr. Belser for years. So why did this news stop him in his tracks? His mother interrupted: “Jack, did you hear me? Are you OK?” Jack reassured his mother, then said, “Mom, I will be on the late plane Wednesday. I’m coming back for Mr. Belser’s funeral.”

After the funeral and service, after everyone had left Mr. Belser’s old house, Jack stood in the study with his mother, strangely troubled. “What’s wrong, Jack?” Jack looked around. “There was a small gold box Mr. Belser kept on his desk. He’d never tell me what was in it, only that it was what he valued most.” And it was gone. Jack looked around again, shrugged, and then they left.

Two weeks later. Jack returned home late from another long day at work, to find a small package his wife had placed on the kitchen table. The return address read, “Mr. Harold Belser.” Jack stared at the package for a long moment, then opened it to find Mr. Belser’s small gold box with a key taped to its top. And an envelope, which he opened to find Mr. Belser’s shaky handwriting: “Upon my death, please forward this box to Jack Bennett. It’s the thing I valued most in my life.”

Jack carried Mr. Belser’s gold box into the quiet of his den. As Jack sat back and unlocked the small box, he felt a deep sadness sweep over him. Inside the box he found a gold pocket watch. Jack unlatched the finely etched cover, and found these words engraved: “Jack, thanks for your time. Harold Belser.” Jack was stunned. In all his years, the thing Mr. Belser had valued most was Jack’s time. For several minutes, Jack sat quietly, tears in his eyes, just holding Mr. Belser’s watch.

Then he reached over, picked up the phone, and called his assistant at home. “Janet, I’m sorry to bother you so late. When you get in tomorrow, please clear my calendar for the day.” Janet hesitated, then asked, “Is everything OK, Jack?” Jack smiled, and said, “Janet, I need some time with my son. Some time with my family.” Jack paused, then added, “Janet, thank you for all the time you give me.”

So --- to whom do I gift my time? In very different ways, there are people in my life who are very important to me. Family. Friends. Business associates. Members of my church. Fellow soccer parents. We all have our own roster of special people. My question is: Do I spend my time honestly with those I value? To me, “honestly” means that I gift enough of it to those for whom I care, and when I gift it, it’s all about the person I am with. No excuses. No “cop outs.” Because I know, and they know. And because it’s right.

My WORDS and my TIME. Hey, they are what they are --- no big deal, right? I think they are a very big deal! If I could reach out to touch each of you, and give you a special gift for your lifetime, it would be for you to give those in your life the gift of words that shed light and build confidence, the gift of time that lifts higher those who look to you for guidance and leadership, and finally, the gift of unconditional personal ownership of both.

Ponder that. God bless.

Lawrence M. (Larry) Cassidy
September 2006

Larry Cassidy has been a Chair with Vistage International (formerly TEC International) for the past 20 years. He currently works with some 80 executives every month, in three chief executive and two key executive groups. He has facilitated over 900 executive group meetings, and participated in 7500 face-to-face discussions with chief executives about all aspects of their businesses. He prepared for this journey at Miami University (Ohio) and Northwestern (MBA); as a Marine Corps officer; with public companies (General Mills, Quaker Oats and PepsiCo), private, family and foreign-owned firms; and, in the 1980s as General Manager and CEO of local companies. He does executive coaching and also serves on advisory boards. He can be reached at 714-424-9443 or LMCassidy@comcast.net.

If you would like additional information on this topic or others, please contact your Human Resources department or Lighthouse Consulting Services LLC, 3130 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 550, Santa Monica, CA 90403, (310) 453-6556, dana@lighthouseconsulting.com & our website: www.lighthouseconsulting.com. Lighthouse Consulting Services, LLC provides a variety of services, including in-depth personality assessments for new hires & staff development, team building, interpersonal & communication training, conflict management, workshops, and executive & employee coaching.

The information contained in this article is not meant to be a substitute for professional counseling.